notes on social media (and travel content)

Social Media as a Millennial

Social media is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Last year, in 2023, I finally decided to make some changes in my daily life in regards to all the new technology we’ve had from like 2008 onwards. For me, that looked like deleting certain apps completely and planning regular social media detoxes. I also have been reading books and articles to try and understand more about how the online world is affecting our social skills in real life. I’ve noticed it’s something my friends have been thinking more about, too. This year, for the first time, a few of my friends started putting time limits on apps on their phones.

Millennials are the only generation to have tech-free childhoods but then experience massive changes in our adolescent years with implications that no one could predict at the time. We remember the before times, but we were the guinea pigs for all the apps, targeted ads, personal branding, and online careers that feel normal today. Now kids are faced with technology from the moment they’re born–they don’t get the before times–and that’s scary, too. The older generations are different than us as well. They had fully developed brains and lives before all these advances started rapidly rolling out.

All this to say, I think my generation is especially thoughtful about the effects of social media. I have lots of conversations with friends about it and consume lots of content (lol the irony) about it. I wanted to get all my thoughts down in one place, and since this is a travel blog, I wanted to relate some of my issues with social media to the travel space as well. I’ll go through each book, article, and podcast I found helpful on this journey, too.

My Problems with Social Media

First, I should start by sharing some of the issues I was noticing and could link back to social media usage. Maybe some of this will strike a chord with you, too. I think my overarching worry was how my social skills/ability to connect in real life interactions was being affected. Some other concerns were how social media was affecting my dopamine and brain chemistry, how much time I was potentially wasting online, and how digital attention made me feel actually more lonely.

Let me break each of those down a bit further. The pandemic was really isolating, and we lost a lot of in person time with each other because of it. It also seems like social media became a bigger part of life during that time in a way that makes sense–we couldn’t connect with each other any other way. You saw TikTok blowing up (and thus short form content), you had more free time to spend on your phone (and thus become addicted to it and follow more and more people online), and you had many of your interactions moving from in person to remote.

I remember traveling for the first time after getting vaccinated feeling truly anxious about how I’d feel talking to strangers in real life again–I hadn’t done it in so long, and I almost wanted to avoid it altogether. I am an introvert after all. I found myself thinking I didn’t even need to travel anymore, because it suddenly felt so much more outside my comfort zone of being in my “bubble.” I’m glad I pushed through those uncomfortable feelings, because socializing with “strangers” in real life is a valuable skill that is really good for my mental health. So is traveling, the one thing I’ve always dreamt of doing and absolutely love to do now that I can.

I was also worried about how the dopamine hits from all these apps were affecting my brain chemistry. You know how good it feels to get on your app-of-choice and mindlessly scroll. You even intellectually know that they design the apps to show you a bunch of garbage but then serve an absolute gem every once in a while. That dopamine rush feels so good you don’t even care that the companies are trying to get you addicted and spending as much time as possible on their platform so they can sell more ads and make more money. Especially when the ads are targeted to you so well… you don’t even care that every time you log on, you end up spending money. All of this is incredibly concerning when you get yourself detoxed and out of the haze.

Social Media and Travel

The dopamine and brain chemistry concern also linked up to travel concerns I’d been noticing. I used to get such a rush from traveling, which I do partly contribute to youth and everything in the world being so new, but that can’t account for all of it. I used to daydream about and research a place in a really satisfying way (without seeing too many pictures beforehand), and when I actually arrived in the place, my mind would be blown. The dopamine would be flowinggggg. For a long time now, that hasn’t been the case. I love traveling and make an effort to do a lot of it, but if I’m being honest, the high doesn’t feel as high anymore.

The more I thought about it, the more I could link that decline to how I was using social media. Now when I go somewhere, I’ve seen a hundred people (who I’ve never met) go there who know how to make beautiful content about it, too. I’ve seen someone else (x 100) do an almost exact replica of what I’ll do. By time I do arrive, I’m not surprised by anything and I get barely any spikes in dopamine. Oh that beautiful view from the top of that cathedral/mountain/skyscraper/waterfall? I already know what it looks like, but I saw the enhanced version with filters and a girl in a cute dress. Oh that cool experience you can book? I already saw the whole thing and a hundred peoples’ reaction to it.

There were a few main reasons why I got myself mostly off Instagram (my drug-of-choice), but the effects on my feelings around travel was a big one. I was no longer getting super excited for my trips. I wasn’t feeling anything in new destinations. I could be anywhere in the world feeling the same dullness. I realized that my dopamine response had got all out of whack and that I needed to do something about it.

I was also concerned about how I was choosing the trips I did go on. Was I spending my precious time and money somewhere I really wanted to visit? I wanted to want what I wanted again, instead of wanting what got into my brain via Instagram. I’m trying to be much more thoughtful now about my trips. Going to places I’ve always dreamt of going. Or doing something I heard about through actual word-of-mouth with a real person I’ve interacted with in real life, whether that be fellow travelers I’m having a conversation with abroad, or friends and family that I’m regularly in contact with at home. I also try to not over-research trips anymore. I try to avoid seeing pictures beforehand as much as possible.

But I do still engage with content– I haven’t been able to cut the addiction completely. There are creators I like supporting, but I try to support long form content that’s less click-baity and takes more time and effort to put together, like blogs and books. Instagram creators make a huge effort with their content, too, but the photos and videos are much shorter, take less time to produce, are in our faces more often, and feel more overwhelming. Instagram is often just showcasing highlights of a place versus what the overall experience was actually like. I’m trying to not be fooled by the pretty pictures as much anymore and make choices when it comes to travel that are truly my own.

In hindsight, I can see inklings in past trips that tell me I was craving an escape from social media before I consciously knew it had become a problem. In 2021, my big vacations abroad were sailing trips. I elected to physically remove myself from internet connection/land so I could justify not being online for 7 days. It felt incredible to disconnect, and I very purposely disconnected during those trips, but I don’t think I realized at the time why doing so was so important to me.

Social Media and Its Effects on Relationships

The last concern I mentioned was how digital attention was actually making me feel more lonely than connected. This concern might be a bit more personal and hard to explain in words, but I hope you’ll be able to relate. Our egos love attention, and social media really uses that to its own benefit to get you hooked and spend more time on the platform. It’s not natural to get likes for being a “normal” person living their day-to-day life. I shouldn’t actually know how many people liked the matcha latte I made this morning or how many guys I never talk to think my Coachella outfit from 2 years ago was attractive.

A like or a fire emoji might give you a hit of attention, but it’s no long term substitute for someone really seeing you, which is what I think we all crave. Why do I want a breadcrumb of attention online from someone who has my number and could text/call me and see me in real life but chooses not to? Don’t even get me started on dating apps, which I’ve managed to escape somehow. I don’t need to scroll through endless options of potential partners and pick someone based off a photo. I can try my best to network in real life and meet someone with similar interests through those connections instead. I don’t want to market myself online to a man. That’s such a depressing thought and was another reason why I got off Instagram and completely avoided dating apps.

ANYWAYS! Our brains weren’t built for knowing what hundreds or thousands of people are up to on a daily basis. We do much better in small villages, and that fact is what’s in the back of my mind when I make choices regarding how I use social media. So what changes in my actions and mind set have I made?

How I’ve Changed the Ways I Use Social Media

The very first thing I did, when I knew I wasn’t ready to give up my daily hit of Instagram yet, was to stop following accounts if I had not met the person in real life before. Or if the content was too aspirational and left me worse off in a comparison spiral. Those accounts were unfollowed and my feed was less satisfying if that makes sense. It was easier for me to spend less time getting sucked in when I did log on.

Then I was ready to completely detox. Thankfully I never downloaded TikTok, so I didn’t have to battle that beast. But I did have to reckon with Instagram. I deleted the app while walking stage 1 of the Camino last year and haven’t looked back. That weeks-long total detox was needed to clear up my brain space. I’ve now come to a better relationship with Instagram– I let myself look at it for 15 min a day during my break at work. I work a week on and then get a week off, so when I’m living my “real life” and I’m not at work, the app is completely deleted for a week. This balance is more manageable but isn’t perfect. I definitely still spend more money when I have Instagram downloaded than when I don’t.

When I cut back on Instagram, I realized I was just replacing the time I spent there on YouTube instead. So more recently, my social media journey has been about finding a balance with YouTube. The rule I’ve come up with that seems to be working well is I get to watch a maximum of one video per day. I’m a full on adult having to put these restrictions on myself. Can you imagine how impossible this would be for kids and teens and young adults?

Since implementing all these changes, here’s what I do do. I send my actual real life contacts the pictures I would normally post on my Instagram. If I did something really cool that I want to share, the people I love most who love me back are the ones I share it with. Or I put it on my blog. These blogs take hours upon hours to write, and people can easily ignore them. If I take that much time and effort to share something, I think that is a more thoughtful approach to being online, and it feels more in line with my creativity goals. I’m trying my best to spend time with people in person and to be fully present when I do.

In terms of travel, I still take photos and videos, but I’m less concerned with getting the perfect shot and more ok with being in the moment and not always pulling out my phone. I never post anything real time anymore, so I can be as present on my trips as possible.

I also have to mention how much more time I have every day! I focus on reading, writing, moving my body, cooking new recipes, talking to people in person, having social plans on my calendar, learning a new language, and deepening my bonds with loved ones. I feel way more balanced mentally, more connected emotionally, and more healthy physically. This social media detox journey has been really good for me overall–I’m glad it’s something I’ve been so mindful and curious about.

I didn’t even get into politics and world news in this post– that’s for another time. But I did want to mention it’s something I think about a lot in regards to how social media affects us all, with worldwide implications. We now live in a time with more information than ever at our fingertips, which most people assumed would be a good thing. But with that comes more disinformation than we’ve ever had to come in contact with before. I’m not sure it balances out to a net positive when certain polarizing figures benefit from a country of distracted and distractible minds. Social media and the rate of information sharing has put us in a post-truth culture, where being reasonable, trusting the slow process of scientific learning, and living in nuance and in community with those around us doesn’t seem to work anymore. Am I terrified? Yes, slightly. lol great note to end on!

Additional Content I Recommend

I want to wrap up by sharing the content that really helped me work through a lot of the thoughts I’d already been having about social media.

—Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence by Anna Lembke: How intriguing is that title? Social media has us overindulging mentally every day. It is affecting our brain chemistry whether we’d like to admit it or not. I especially have an issue with short form content. People can’t pay attention to anything more than a minute long these days, and a minute doesn’t allow for nuance. We all need to accept that taking time to understand a persons’ unique circumstances and nuances is a part of life and is essential for peace going forward. But I digress. This book didn’t actually address social media as much as I was hoping, but it was still really worth reading for the general information about dopamine and the balance between pleasure and pain.

—How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy by Jenny Odell: Understanding what the attention economy is is really helpful when you’re trying to break out of a bad cycle with technology. I liked this book, but it also didn’t talk about social media as much as I hoped it would. There were some helpful gems, though, and it did back up a lot of thoughts I was having about feeling disconnected from the real world. I think we’ve gotten really bad at “doing nothing” as a society. People can’t sit idly by anymore, even for a few minutes. Every spare second is an excuse to scroll, and I don’t think that’s a good thing. No more meeting your future lover in line at the coffee shop!

—Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman: You really can’t judge a book by its cover (or title) because I thought those first two books would have way more to do with social media than they did. And I wasn’t expecting this book about the philosophy of time to have anything to do with it. But this book was incredible and, dare I say, LIFE CHANGING. If there’s one thing I recommend, it’s reading this book. I think it’s gonna be a yearly read for me–there was so much wisdom about how we think about and use time, our most precious resource (and what social media companies want from you). Do you think at the end of your life, you’ll be happy with all the hours you spent on Instagram? Or do you think there’s probably some better choices you can make right now to set a different path forward and spend your time doing things that really matter to you?

Some lessons learned: I don’t have to make my free time more efficient… aka I don’t have to constantly be multi-tasking. This one really hit home. Normally I’d listen to a podcast while cleaning, doing laundry, showering, or running errands. Kill two birds with one stone right? Consume that never ending content you love! But it was actually making me more anxious. It’s better for my brain to get time off completely or at the very least focus on one task at a time. It’s ok to just take a shower and not get anything else done in that time. And what I’ve found is that I actually feel more creative because I’ve given my mind time to itself.

Another truth I knew but really hit home after reading this book is that I will not be able to keep up with all the content in the world. I do have limited time. I do have to make choices with how I use that time. There are things I’d rather do than be caught up on every hyped tv show and every creator’s story on Instagram. It’s really helped me cut my screen time in a meaningful way, which I can put towards things that truly bring me joy like laughing with friends, reading good books, and writing this blog, to name a few.

—Klara and the Sun: A novel by Kazuo Ishiguro: The other books I mentioned are all nonfiction, but this fictional story really helps to put a lot of our current concerns about AI and social technology into better focus. It’s set in a not-so-distant future where children grow up with Artificial Friends (robots) as companions instead of socializing with other children. It’s told from the robot’s point-of-view, which makes it even more interesting to observe how the humans act towards each other. It’s fascinating to think about where we could be headed if things stay the same.

—It’s Obviously the Phones by Magdalene J. Taylor via Substack: A really thought-provoking article about how people are having less and less sex these days and how that correlates to our increasing levels of loneliness (you could see how artificial friend robots could easily become a thing). She blames our phones and makes a really compelling case for it.

—The State of the Culture, 2024 by Ted Gioia: Technologically advanced countries are facing a massive happiness decline. Our phone-addicted culture is affecting our well being for the worse. Entertainment ate the art of our pasts. But now distraction is eating entertainment at a fast pace. And what results is an addiction that major tech companies can make money off. The visuals and commentary in his piece really brings this concept together.

—Rich Girl Roundup: How Do Targeted Ads Influence Our Spending? on The Money with Katie Show: This podcast helped hammer a lot home in terms of how I’m being targeted online, but she also shares really useful tips you can implement today to prevent you from spending money so quickly in response to the ads. Here’s what I’ve been doing lately. If I see something I want online, I add it to my notes app that’s titled “think more before you buy.” I wait at least a week and then reassess. Usually the impulse is gone by then and I’ve saved myself a good chunk of money.

Words

“But from the point of view of the place, I’d look like someone who was finally paying attention. And from the point of view of myself, the person actually experiencing my life, and to whom I will ultimately answer when I die–I would know that I spent a day on Earth.”

—How to Do Nothing by Jenny Odell

“Long form content or bust.”

–me