I wanted to post this photo on my Instagram story for the 4th of July: my friends and I in 2013 looking patriotic as f**k. But then I didn’t because I thought about what kind of message that would be sending during a really messed up time for America. I thought about captioning it “I’m embarrassed to be an American right now, but overall I’m grateful.” No, that doesn’t reflect my current feelings well enough. Then I thought about putting “throwback to 2013 when Obama was president and life was good.” But that doesn’t capture the truth either.
That would be saying the problems we have today didn’t exist in 2013. And that’s insensitive. Because of course men were inappropriately touching women (or worse). Police brutality was happening. We just weren’t talking about those issues as loudly yet. It makes me realize you can’t always see the past as the good ole days. Silence is a privilege in that sense. We were (more) silent about issues back then but that doesn’t mean those issues didn’t exist.
Then I think back to my life in 2013 when that photo was taken. Were they actually the good ole days? I was in love and in the middle of pharmacy school. It’s an understatement to say that college was a stressful experience. I remember regularly telling myself just to suffer now so you can be happy later. Why are we always so hopeful about the future? Why did I think I’d be happy later? Back then I didn’t know my future had a divorce in store. I didn’t know there was a global pandemic, an idiot as president, and rampant racism looming in the distance.
It seems like people online say “worst year ever” every year. I personally thought 2019 was the worse year ever. Then 2020 happened. So is that the reality of it? Is 2021 inevitably going to be worse than an already horrible 2020? Are we ok with life going that way–always getting worse, always being “the worst year ever”? Obviously, you can’t think like that because it would make things too depressing. But that’s what went through my mind when I thought about my life back then and the way I view the future.
What could I caption a photo posted on the 4th of July in the current climate? What’s acceptable to celebrate about the past and what isn’t? The way we became an independent country was not done “nicely.” We took over native land. Slaves were not free. Women were not free. And yet we built a country founded on freedom. I ask myself is that just how it goes? Was that the name of the game in 1776 everywhere in the world–conquer at all costs? Are there any democratic, independent nations who got that way by being completely fair and moral?
I have all these mixed feelings and lots of confusion. On one hand, I recognize the beauty of America (especially having traveled to many other countries). I love and cherish our diversity. I love that we protect free speech. I love that we are a country of dreamers. I want to celebrate all those things & more, and July 4th is technically our birthday and a good day to do so.
Then, on the other hand, I recognize all the things we do terribly. There’s systemic racism, massive student loan debt, health care issues, sexism, greed, etc. I mean the list really does go on and on. There are so many things that embarrass me about being an American, especially now with how we haven’t handled COVID. But there is still so much beauty–so many things to be proud of and grateful for.
So how do we reconcile the two? We need to get our priorities straight while still somehow honoring the parts of our history that make us us. How do we move forward consciously and inclusively? I do feel like calling things out and having conversations is a good first step. If we can talk, share experiences and ideas about how to fix the wrongdoings of the past, and get the right policies in place through action, maybe one day we’ll see “best year ever” trending online. That’s worth fighting for. And we all know America is good at fighting.
All the questions I ask above are not hypothetical. I really want to know what you think, so let’s get some conversations started. How did you feel about celebrating the 4th in years past? How do you feel about it now? How do you feel about removing/destroying historic monuments? What should patriotism look like going forward?