My 9 year blogiversary and a slightly unhinged essay about its name

I started this blog in September of 2015, and it’s been my favorite hobby ever since. I don’t always write blogiversary posts, but we’re overdue for one! Of course I want to share how things have been going and what little goals I’ve reached and haven’t. I’ll get to all that in time, but first I thought I’d share how this blog got its name… something I’ve only recently understood myself. haha. It’s a windy, unhinged ride, but I’ll try to tie it all together the best I can 🙂

Connections/Connexions

I’ve been thinking about connections a lot this year. I played Codenames for the first time in January after being intrigued by the number of 5 star reviews it has on Amazon. I went in blind and discovered through learning how to play that it was a game of word association. What single word can you use to get your team to choose the most words possible in front of them?

And then you have the New York Times game, Connections, blowing up. I hear about it on podcasts and from family almost constantly. Another game where you have to link words with a common thread. In the midst of these games, there was also the Ruby Franke/”Connexions” YouTube scandal that turned out to be a massive crime and fascinated me endlessly due to the Mormonism and social media-ness of it all.

As people are frothing over “connections,” I couldn’t help but wonder about the connections in my own life. And why was this word showing up so much these days? (can’t a girl get at least one Carrie Bradshaw moment on her own self-funded blog?)

Tom Lake, Shark Heart, Our Town

There’s a connection that’s been haunting me for a while that felt unsolvable yet really important to solve at the same time. Two of my recent favorite books came out in 2023 within 2 days of each other (weird!!), Shark Heart by Emily Habeck and Tom Lake by Ann Patchett (highly recommend if you need a book rec). Both novels reference Thornton Wilder’s 1938 play, Our Town.

What are the odds? It felt like more than a coincidence that both authors felt strongly enough about this text (one I had never heard of before, clearly I wasn’t an English major!) to have it in their books. Books that I loved and deeply moved me. It felt like an important clue, a key to answering a big question about life I didn’t know I had. I went on a fact finding mission and watched a performance of the play, trying to pick it apart and uncover why it showed up in my life, not once but twice in such a short period of time.

The play answers questions about nostalgia and regret, about living in the moment and appreciating life in the present. If you read both books, you’ll understand how these themes tie into those two stories so beautifully. And maybe that’s why they so deeply moved me, though I couldn’t articulate the reasons at the time. Or even after watching Our Town myself. I’ve been thinking about this trifecta for months, about the link between the three, which is something only the best art can do–stay with you and over time reveal truths about our complicated humanness.

Here’s an article that really helped me tie together the loose ends I couldn’t “solve” myself: The great message of ‘Our Town’: Nostalgia and regret come with age. So do grace and compassion. I’m always trying my best to be present, through journaling, yoga, less time on social media, etc. I feel so grateful for my happy days, suspicious that sadness is waiting just around the corner. Is it sadness I’m afraid of or do I just have anxiety about aging, inevitable deaths, different versions of lives unlived, and drifting connections (there’s that word again)?

I think that’s why these three works of art became important to me. They serve as reminders about the fleeting nature of our time here. And how diligent we should be about living in the moment. It’s really all we have. Making the most of the present is one of the top reasons why I prioritize travel now instead of putting it off for a future that’s not guaranteed-it’s always been a core theme of this blog.

Henry VIII, Rebecca, and The Girls Next Door

What do a 16th century king, a 1938 novel (woah, Our Town was written in 1938 too…!!), and an early 2000s reality show have in common? This is a question I’ve asked myself a lot because all three of these are important to me and live rent free in my mind. Here’s some background on each.

Henry VIII was *that* king of England who had six wives and beheaded a couple of them. Rebecca is a gothic thriller by English author Daphne Du Maurier. It’s about a young woman who marries a wealthy widower. When she moves into his mansion, she realizes it’s haunted by the memory of his late first wife. The house and all its characters have secrets for the reader to uncover. The Girls Next Door was one of the early reality shows, and it let us inside the Playboy mansion to follow Hugh Hefner and his three girlfriends.

What draws me to all of these is the story of the women. Yes, they all have a wealthy man with access to mansions and glamour at the center. There’s subtle and not-so-subtle darkness present in them all as well. But the women are what make the stories interesting and have endlessly fascinated me. Why? What does this say about me?

I think they all have helped me understand the complications that come with being a woman in this world. Desiring men yet fearing them. Wanting power and equality then realizing it’ll always be just out of reach. Loving someone who is deeply insecure. Realizing men make up the rules (no matter how stupid) and women have to fall in line or else. Understanding that when you do fall in line and succeed at achieving the standard men created, you will then be hated by women who are unconsciously envious that you cracked the code to a dynamic they feel conflicted by, a part of them wanting to happily sink into that oppression and another part raging against it.

I should mention that none of this has made me bitter. I love men and I love being a woman. But I do think I ponder this trifecta constantly because it helps me understand the nuances that exist in day to day life. They are all anti-fairy tales and serve as antidotes to living in a reality that doesn’t exist. They help me to live in the real world instead, with all its flaws.

How this blog got its name

It’s these anti-fairy tales that helped me form the lore of this blog. I realize now that my obsession with The Girls Next Door hasn’t left my mind since I first watched it back in 2005. It’s always been there in my subconscious, reminding me things about our society but also about what I wanted in life. And a part of me did want to be one of them, on very different terms. So I created my own version, The Daydreamer Next Door, and I get to write about her here.

When I imagine this fictional “daydreamer next door,” I do picture a woman in a tower with her head in the clouds (and yes, she has great hair and is probably wearing a Juicy Couture velour track suit). But she’s not solitary, or stuck, or struggling for her own money. This tower has an elevator that never breaks, so it’s easy for others to join her or for her to leave. She’s not looking out the window fantasizing about a man. She’s dreaming of places near and far and about how travels out in the world will change her inner world. She’s not waiting for someone to make her dreams a reality but loves when others can join her on her journeys. She’s soft and open-hearted but fierce when it comes to keeping herself safe, physically and emotionally. She plans the trip up in her tower then comes down to earth to savor it.

She’s Anne Boleyn, the un-named wife in Rebecca, Holly and Bridget from The Girls Next Door. But the “daydreamer next door” has learned vital lessons from these women and uses their wisdom to make different choices in her own life. She looks the sinister underbelly in the eye and fights it in small ways every day, while still allowing wonder and magic to touch her. I hope she inspires that same adventurous, rebellious spirit within yourself.

Goals and milestones

I’m so proud of myself for how consistently I’ve been writing this year. I’ve somehow gotten into the best writing routine I’ve ever been in. It brings me so much joy when I write (lately 3-4 times per week), and I feel so fulfilled and creative and happy because of it. There’s not much more I can ask for, but it’s crazy because I’ve also had the most traffic ever on my blog this year. Like exponentially higher numbers of views and visitors. So thank you so much if you are one of the people reading this and supporting this wonderful hobby of mine!

Yes, this blog is a hobby. Something I make no money off of and have to pay to keep online. It’s my dream that maybe by the time I retire I can make some passive income off it and continue writing from different home bases around the world. But for now, I support myself with a full-time job and get to write on my own terms. That being said I did get a couple of opportunities solely because of this blog, which is so cool!

First, I was gifted some clothes by an adventure brand called Kuhl. I have no clue how they found my blog, but I’m so happy they did. I love their stuff and highly recommend it if you need new clothing for any outdoor heavy or hiking trips. I have a pair of leggings, joggers, and a zip up which are so high quality, and I’ve gotten so much use out of. Thanks Kuhl!

And secondly, I got my first complimentary stay because of my blog this year. I was contacted by SolStay‘s team and was so excited to check out their property. An urban glamping retreat on the water?? Say less. Since I’m based in the midwest I love writing about the best things to do in this area (way underrated in my opinion), and I couldn’t wait to have a few days in Sandusky. I also love highlighting getaways you can do without taking much time off work, so this mini-break was absolutely perfect.

In terms of goals that didn’t come to fruition… I tried so hard this year to pitch my writing to online travel magazines. I really want to write for other publications, but sadly nothing came to be. YET! I will keep trying lol. But if you know any websites that need guest posts in the travel world please let me know 🙂 Any connections (that word again) would be much appreciated! The big dream is being featured in Travel and Leisure, Conde Nast Traveler, or Fodors.

What’s Next

I don’t think I’m going to be changing much going into this next year of blogging. I will continue to pitch my travel writing and hopefully get something published. I want to keep my consistent writing practice going and hopefully see continued growth in traffic. The main priority is just to keep using my voice, something not all women get to do and that I don’t take for granted one bit.

Words

“It’s not that I’m unaware of the suffering and the soon-to-be-more suffering in the world, it’s that I know the suffering exists beside wet grass and a bright blue sky recently scrubbed by rain. The beauty and the suffering are equally true.”

Tom Lake by Ann Patchett