On•the•Move Musings: 3/13/20

Welcome to On•the•Move Musings: a weekly-update-series where I reflect on my time exploring the globe; a place to record all the little details from travel that, despite being so special, my pigeon brain could likely forget; a space to show gratitude for where life’s daydreams have taken me; a few moments to stop and write during the chaos of long term travel. I’ll be posting every Friday to share some good vibes and wanderlust before we head into the weekend!

Musings

It’s been a big week for me, and I have lots of thoughts to go along with it all. Grab yourself a coffee and get ready for a novel 🙂

Right after I posted my blog last Friday, I got on a bus and headed to Monteverde Extremo Park for a few hours of adrenaline-filled fun (the tour I did is called Canopy, and you can see the details on their website by clicking this link). I signed up without much thought after multiple people recommended the experience to me, but once I got there I wondered what I had gotten myself into. We were going to do 16 ziplines…I’m afraid of heights but I’ve zip lined before so I figured that part would be no issue. Two of those were Superman-style (going headfirst with your stomach parallel to the ground) which was new to me, but the thing that really made me nervous was the Tarzan Swing–see photo below.

Our group was big, about 20 people or more, and each turn took about 2-3 minutes because the staff would have to pull the rope back up after the previous person finally came to a stop and was unhooked. Then they’d have to connect the next person, have them sit, move the floor out from underneath, let go of the rope, wait for the person to free fall and swing for a while until they slowed down enough, catch them, unhook them, and repeat at least 20 times. And I was the third to last person to go. All this to say I had to wait there for about 45 minutes (the photo was my view for those 45 minutes… my fear of heights wouldn’t allow me to stand on the platform over a big drop for that long ha) watching everyone go and scream their lungs out, or get too scared and back out like 5 people ended up doing. A few people didn’t scream and I wondered to myself if they were psychopaths for facing something so terrifying without making any noise (y’all know if Ted Bundy got up there he wouldn’t make a peep…remember how he jumped out of a 2nd story window in a courtroom and then ran into the mountains to escape custody? I digress).

The suspense built up so much that I started to feel nauseous. I knew I was going to do it no matter how scared I was, but I did wonder if maybe when I opened my mouth to scream I would throw up instead. The guys behind me in line asked if I would yell or stay silent, and as my turn got closer, I realized I honestly didn’t know. The people who didn’t scream weren’t psychopaths in my mind anymore… they were either a) literally scared stiff or b) just genuinely enjoyed the adrenaline rush. As my turn approached, I walked onto the platform and tried not to think about the height and what I was about to do. If I did, I knew my legs would become jello and I would faint and maybe even fall off the platform, so that wasn’t an option. I also tried not to think about how horribly wrong things could go if the ropes weren’t attached correctly or happened to snap during my turn.

That’s the empowering thing about facing fears. You can have all those worries going on in your mind, but at the same time, be strong enough to go for it anyways. You can surrender. You can put faith in yourself and in other people who will keep you safe. When I was feeling dizzy from what was to come in my very near future, I focused on my breathing and staying present in the exact moment I was in. When I was feeling like I couldn’t do it, I reminded myself that in the course of this last year I had faced way worse challenges. Think of something really hard you’ve been through… if you had the option to go through that again or you could free fall off a Tarzan Swing in Costa Rica instead, which would you choose? I’d take the Tarzan Swing any day. When I was feeling like people suck & will always let me down & the world is going to sh*t, I reasoned that that’s not true either. Most people are good and won’t let anything bad happen.

I thought I was signing myself up for a few hours of ziplining, but I got so much more out of it than just that. I hope this serves as a reminder of the importance of getting outside your comfort zone every once in a while. Those endorphins are real! The lessons you learn and the confidence you gain can be applied to challenges you’re bound to face in life. If you’re wondering if I ended up screaming or losing my voice to fear… I screamed SO LOUD 🙂 And for someone so afraid of heights and falling, I really enjoyed the drop. Turns out falling can be really fun after all 😉

After Monteverde, I came to Tamarindo for 8 nights with the intention of surfing, doing yoga, being healthy, getting lots of sleep, enjoying the sunshine/beach, and relaxing with a good book. I signed myself up for 3 surf lessons and 6 yoga classes, ate acai bowls and fish tacos, hardly drank any alcohol, and got through 2.5 books & 2 seasons of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.

I had been surfing twice in my life before coming to Costa Rica–once in Nicaragua in 2014 which actually went decently well for my first time and once in San Diego in 2017 which did not go very well because the waves were so choppy that day. Those lessons were too far in the past to make me feel like I knew anything about surfing, so I was quite apprehensive going into my first lesson once again asking why did I sign myself up to do this?

I was worried I wouldn’t be strong enough– you have to essentially hold a plank position and then jump up while keeping your balance all as a wave rushes behind you. I can’t do a push up (lol not joking) so I wondered how I would manage that. I was also worried my cardio fitness wouldn’t be good enough to paddle back out into the ocean while waves crashed in my face and pushed me in the other direction for 2 hours straight– it’s been way too long since I’ve worked out. I was worried I’d fall and fall and fall and get frustrated or hurt.

But once again, I found the strength within me (strength we all have) and went for it anyway because f**k letting fear run your life. And it ended up being such an amazing experience. My instructor was great and explained everything so well. I had to trust that he would keep me safe and that he wouldn’t send me out into something I couldn’t handle.

In my first lesson, I stood up every time at least half of the way to shore, but many times I stayed on my board the whole way in. I was so proud of myself for doing something I really didn’t think I could do. I enjoyed how you literally cannot think about anything but what you’re doing in the moment–surfing really forces you to be present. If your mind is elsewhere and you’re not focused, you will fall and possibly get hurt. The ocean is no joke. For someone with a mind that’s always racing and never quiets down, it felt incredible to spend 2 hours with nothing in my head except catching the next wave.

In my second and third lessons, my instructor increased the intensity and had us paddling more and catching faster waves. I was scared that I wouldn’t be strong enough and that I would get hurt wiping out. And I did fall… many times. Once I had fallen a few times and nothing bad happened (no board to the face, no cuts or scrapes), I realized I could once again surrender to the moment and really go for it. And that’s when I started succeeding and riding waves all the way to shore. My hope is that I take the lessons I learned during my time surfing and remember to use them going forward into the unknown that is life 🙂

If you ever go anywhere that gives you the option to take a surf lesson, I highly highly recommend it! Even if you think it’s something you can’t do, I promise you can.

Yoga is something I’ve been doing on and off for 10 years or so, and I know I’ll continue to do it the rest of my life–that’s how beneficial it is. Have I mentioned my mind never shuts up?

Literally me! Yoga is another great way to get out of my head and connect to my body and the present. It’s been almost a year since I went to a class, and I’m so grateful that I feel up to going again. Many times, your instructor will ask you to set an intention for your practice, something you want to remind yourself that you can come back to when your thoughts inevitably start to wander. The other day my intention was to appreciate both my strength and my softness. I’ve done so many things lately that have boosted my confidence/my physical and mental strength (traveling the world alone while carrying all my possessions on my back, free-falling off a Tarzan Swing, and surfing to name a few), and I wanted to recognize how far I’ve come from 6 months ago. I’m so much stronger than I was, and at the same time, I’m also softer.

There’s a quote from a book I just started reading that I’d like to share to further explain what I’m talking about a bit more poetically. And then I’ll also share an actual poem in the “Words” section that speaks to this as well. This is from On Being Human: A Memoir of Waking Up, Living Real, and Listening Hard by Jennifer Pastiloff:

“[It’s a] marvel that I could be two things at once. Wholly unafraid and utterly terrified. Exposed and safe. Deaf and listening. How remarkable that my heart could be out in the world, helping me to listen when my ears failed me, and also be safely nestled inside my body.”

If you made it to the end, thank you so much for taking the time to read all the thoughts that have been going through my head this past week. This has gone on long enough so I won’t add any more sections like I usually do haha. I hope you have a great weekend! Do something to get out of your comfort zone if you have the chance. And don’t forget that you are strong enough to face your fears but also soft enough to experience joy and love 🙂

Words

This is from milk and honey by rupi kaur:

“you tell me to quiet down cause

my opinions make me less beautiful

but i was not made with a fire in my belly

so i could be put out

i was not made with a lightness on my tongue

so i could easily swallow

i was made heavy

half blade and half silk

difficult to forget and not easy

for the mind to follow”